COV LIFE BLOG

The Psalms – A Testimony

Author: Gina Concepcion

About 7 years ago, on a mission trip to Peru, I met a woman in a remote village who was a Christian. I’d not yet even spent a full day with her, but by noon, I found myself attempting to find the right setting in which I could steal her away to ask her the itching question I’d had since the moment I’d met her: “What do your devotions look like?” I was a very young Christian at that time, but even then I knew that there was something very different between that woman and myself. She smelled like Jesus. And maybe, just maybe, God had purposed for me to travel 3,000 miles just to learn how to smell like Jesus, too. She told me that she would read a passage from the NT in the morning with her husband, a Psalm at lunch and an OT passage with her husband before bed, every day. It then made sense to me, that the aroma she’d carried was not the result of some expensive perfume she’d purchased in the marketplace, but rather, the result of a woman who was faithful to steep her soul in the balm of God’s word, every single day. 

I wanted that. It’s been 7 years since then, and the golden trim that once lined the pages of the Psalms in my Bible, are now wearing, but my soul is not. The Psalms have been a strong tower I can run to, a cave I’ve crawled into week after week, a place where the pages remain wrinkled because of the many tears I’ve cried upon them, only to be comforted by the tears its writers have shed while writing them. It’s a place where weak people have strong questions, where questions are left unanswered and leave room for faith. Where sorrows overflow and waves rise, and doubts abound and hope is given….But for me, the Psalms have mostly been a place where God’s majesty and God’s personhood align. They are where I learn that the hands that created the heavens in Psalm 19 are the same hands that cup the bottom of my chin to lift my head when it is drooping in Psalm 3. 

Throughout these past few years of marriage, my and Frankie’s heads have both drooped and have been lifted many times. Five months after our wedding, I had my second surgery to remove overgrowth of endometriosis, but it was also an attempt to aid in the conception of a child. After the surgery, and being given all types of fertility concoctions and medications, we were still unable to conceive. So, we ventured to check and see if there were anything awry with Frankie, and to our surprise, we came to find that both of our bodies weren’t working as they should. Medically, our chances of ever conceiving a child naturally are extremely low-to-none. As I mentioned at the beginning, however, God has been so kind to allow us to be planted in this specific church community during this rollercoaster of a time…and I’ve also seen his kindness lavished on me most intimately by directing our elders to choose to walk through the very place I’ve been running to for comfort, shelter, and help…the Psalms. 

In the midst of our journey through the Psalms and infertility, God has been reminding me that lack does not necessarily mean a withholding of blessing. David said in Ps. 16:6, “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” The lines he was referring to were those outlining the land he’d been allotted. Part of my and Frankie’s allotment right now is infertility. And God has been shifting and shaping my heart over the last few years to be able to say with David, “These lines are pleasant, and my inheritance is so beautiful.” 

Yet, even when I have my lowest of days and venture to look beyond the lines of my own inheritance, my sighing is not hidden from him (Ps. 38:9), he is my faithful Helper (Ps.30), he is my shepherd and will carry me forever (Ps.28), he is my literal strength (Ps.18:1), he is my rescuer (Ps. 18:19), he “hears the desire of the afflicted and he will strengthen my heart (Ps.10:17). And I can still sing, because he has dealt bountifully with me (Ps.13:6). 

David, in Ps. 39:9 said, “I am mute; I do not open my mouth, for it is you who have done it.”  God the Holy Spirit is continually teaching me, through David, that God the Father has looked down the corridors of time from the very beginning. He saw every single potential outcome, path, and direction for my life, and in His infinite wisdom, he designated this path specifically for me. And if he purposed this path for me, then there is purpose here, even in the withholding of what I deem to be “good” for my life. God thinks this is BEST. So Frankie and I, along with David, are journeying to trust God in his infinite wisdom and care for our lives, while reaping the overflow of fruit along the way and believing that He will fulfill his promise to us in Ps. 37:4, that if we delight ourselves in him, he will give us the desires of our hearts, through whichever avenue he deems best. 

Praise God.